I know you

Coming home from Cannon Beach I drove out of the storm and into the sunlight. I had just spent the weekend at a women’s retreat.

I was invited by a friend at church. I’d never done anything like that before. I went in apprehensive. I felt nervous that I didnt know anyone but her and most of the girls already had their clicks to sit with. I felt like I didn’t know what I was signing up for…… and I’m a planner. I needed to know the plan. But my friend said it was a good to get to know people at my church. And I wanted to. So I asked for a scholarship and I attended. When I walked in, I had an overwhelming feeling of Gods presence. Holy Spirit was in the house. It made me jumpy inside.

Our focus was Oaks of righteousness. Everyday we were on a schedule that started with a meal and then worship. After worship we’d pray then go off to our small groups. I spent the entire weekend crying. but not like regular crying. It was sobbing. It was cleansing. I want to tell you everything I learned and everything I let go of but that is for another day. Today is about my drive home.

When I left, there was a wreck on the main freeway so I was forced to take the 101 south back home. It’s the scenic route along that freeway. You can overlook all of the cliffs. You pass beach town after beach town. It is a beautiful drive. And being there in the stillness of the thundering waves crashing up against those rocks, I felt so small compared to them.

Looking out, it dawned on me that I just came from a weekend where every single woman in that place, there must’ve been 200 of us, and each one of us -prayed. The weekend was filled with prayer. Multiple prayers. Many many voices, many women singing and praising and praying. As I drove, I pondered on this. So I decided to ask.

I was in the car just by myself. No music on. Enjoying the peace of His presence.

I said out loud, “so I know you can hear me,” I laughed a little to myself remembering the first time I heard Him speak to me. It was terrifying and I totally flipped out.

I continued. “but there are so many people on this earth, so many people that are praying to you…and especially praying all at once.”

I was trying to articulate my thought process out loud. I was stumbling over my words.

“I mean, I just came from a weekend where all of these women were praying”

Now let’s put that into perspective, for the whole world, the expanse of the earth.. all of the people praying. We weren’t the only women having a women’s retreat and I’m sure there’s more people out there joining in their own way.

I said “Lord I know you can hear me but -how do you know it’s me.. when I’m praying?”

How does He know out of all of those voices reaching out to Him, how does mine find it’s way to Him? Like does he have filing cabinet or a secretary like what is happening?

And He answered me. But He didn’t answer me with a statement. He asked me a question back. Oh boy do I love it when he does that. He puts your own mind at work. And isn’t that what life is about? A series of experiences to help us gain perspectives.

He asked me “how do you know, when your child cries which one of them is crying?”

So, How do you know?

I paused.

I immediately thought of my children. I’ve given birth to four people. I’ve mothered my husbands daughter.

I thought. -when my children cry I know which one is crying because I know their voices. I know them.

I know the cry specifically to the child. I know when they’re whining. I know when they are joking. I know when the cry is serious and I had better run to their side… to be with them. To comfort them and kiss their boo boos.

Then, He said to me “I know you”

And with that I became unraveled. I felt so intimately known. So seen. Mind blown. Just imagining the love that I have for my children and how far I’d go for their comfort. The whole situation. The relation between a child and their parent. How I initially I conceived them out of love. And in my belly I felt them swirl around, jump and kick me. They heard my heart beat from the inside of me. We had a bond before they were ever even born.

The relationship between a parent and their children really encompasses the same exact one that God has with us. I had never put that into perspective. I mean, sure I’d heard it so many times. “You are a child of God.” Ive heard people say “father” when they pray. But still never applied it to how I felt about my own children. Do you think He designed it that way? Parenthood. It helped me understand how much He cares and how much He knows about us individually.

I thought back to all the memories of my kids. Potty training them. Changing their diapers. Inspecting their little bodies when they were born. I know where all of their birthmarks are. When I hold their hands, I know how their spirit feels against mine. I know the good things about them and I know the things about their character that need refinement. I know them. I’ve spent every minute of their lives trying to do the next best thing to mold them into amazing people. Praying I’m doing this parent thing correctly. I’ve spent countless hours worrying about their safety and trying to protect them and then brace them for their falls when they aren’t listening to my instructions. And now I know..It’s just like how He knows us. How he cares. How He worries. How He guides.

Isn’t that such a peaceful thought. To know that we’re so loved.

He gave you your features with proudness looking at your characteristics saying -you’ve got your fathers heart or -you’ve got your father‘s eyes.

When we overcome obstacles He thinks to himself. -what a star that child of mine is.

He hopes we realize how amazing we are when we can’t see it for ourselves.

He watches over us. He cares for us, making our paths straight. He runs to us when we cry. He listens when we pray.

He knows us so individually. How could I have ever thought He’d be overwhelmed with taking time to Father each child. He is so capable. He knows us.

I've held onto this cherished piece of information. Remembering it has helped me through many times in my life when I was feeling unseen. Sometimes I just need the personal reassurance. I need to know I’m not forgotten. Or that he’s getting around to whatever it was that I had prayed for. And because He knows me better than I know my self, He can answer my prayers according to my individual needs, not what I think would be best. He is after all God.

I tell you this, so now, you too can cherish the information given directly from the source. Keep it and remind yourself when you need to. And when it pop into your mind, know that is God, speaking and reminding you of today when you read this. He knows you. Personally.