Pauls Peace

This is from December 2023, shared for today August 2025

Yesterday My husband and I lay in bed, eyes sleepy. The house was settled and the halls were quiet. All of the kids and the dogs and the cats were bundled up in their warm beds. We were talking in our library voices so it would be nice and soothing for the atmosphere. 

I said to my husband… 

“Okay babe…can I ask you one of those what if type questions and you actually answer me please?” 

He groaned and said “sure.” He’s not into small talk. He’s not into big talk either actually. Although he has them, he’s an introverted processor that does not care to verbally express his feelings or opinions. 

When he obliged, I inwardly lit up like a Christmas tree. 

“So, if you could do any job in the world, what would it be?” 

I explained the rules. 

“The job doesn’t have to be a needs based type of job or income. Just whatever you think would be the best, most ideal situation.” 

He answered me in a lengthy, interesting answer that pretty much said -what I do now but with a little more freedom of schedule. 

That was great to hear he really likes his line of work. 

But then he asked me the question back. Oh goody! He must be in a happy mood to go a step further and ask me a silly question back.

I thought for a moment. I thought about all of the jobs I’ve had and loved. I thought about all of the jobs I have admired from a distance that never had a position in. Then I thought about my current job as a housewife. And I answered “this” “I’d do this.” 

In the past I’ve done jobs like waitressing, resident assistant, bank work, sales…which I was very good at, customer service, nail technician, salon owner and I’ve even stayed home with the kids and took care of the house. Each job came with its own set of pride for the position. Each one had a good income for me at the time it was needed. And like life happens, I grew out of each position and into the next one with the change of phases in my life. 

So when I pondered on the question my husband had asked back to me, I realized that the peace I feel is not brought on because of an outward thing like an accomplishment or a status.

In my heart I have this joy I can barely give words to. No explanation will give you the full measure of this happiness… But I'd like to try.  

For the first time in my life, I have set down all of my ambitions. I have relinquished all of my plans. I have given forth my security, my purse strings, my present…all of my tomorrows…my entire life.

I have given it all to God one conscious decision at a time. And with those tomorrows I surrendered, they also came with the lessons and trials that accompany the territory of holding the weight of the blessings coming my way. I tell you this was not easy. I had to teach myself how to think again. Not as the world thinks. 

 In reality I have gracefully been thrust into financially humbling circumstances. I have a bank account close to zero. I have no financial stability. Due to my husband being laid off twice in the past year, our savings has dwindled to nothing. My credit score has tanked. I don’t have a cool answer to say to someone when they ask me what I do for a living. On paper, when I enter a room, I am far less than most of my peers. I seem as though I am just floating without purpose.

During this swift financial downturn I had moments of panic and not understanding the plan… I’d spend some nights begging God to help in some way or another… And although He commands us not to, I’d worry. And even though the circumstances looked bleak we always came out okay.

Prior to this transition I had a fierce ambition inside of me. I wanted to accomplish so many things in my life. When I started one project and finished it, I already had another one lined up. Even if it was just refinishing an old table I found at a thrift store. I always had something. I have journals of new meal plans and fitness routines. Those journals are also full of all of my goals of past years. I realize now, I clung to any idea and movement towards my own version of how things could be even better. Up to now, I have accomplished all of them. But with each accomplishment I never felt -Done. 

But I suppose I had never asked myself why I was so eager to check all of the boxes that tell us were successful and can rest in peace.

Another major difference was that I never stopped to absorb today. An example, if I was going to the pumpkin patch with my family, while I was there among the corn maze and cinderella style pumpkins, I observed… but in my mind I was thinking about dinner. Then when I thought about dinner I was thinking about the chore that I needed to finish before work tomorrow, and then I would think about tomorrow then next week and so on. All while smiling for the pictures next to the hay bails. I almost wanted it to be over so I could get back to my routine. To my grind, my hustle. Not because I didn't enjoy, I was just searching and waiting for the good part to happen..which was somehow always wrapped up in the Next to do.

Now, I have no “thing” to cling to that I can say I am worthy of my honorable seat at the successful table.

I am a humble creature softened by the bite of life. Far happier than I should be pulling up in my reliable but ugly vehicle. I am no longer searching for something from the outside to fill me up and tell me I am good enough. I just am.

Paul says in Philippians 4:12 “I know both how to have a little, and I know how to have a lot. In any and all circumstances I have learned the secret [of being content]-whether well-fed or hungry, whether in abundance or in need. 12 I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound.” KJV

I've read this verse several times but I never really felt the words and understood them as much as I do now. 

Lets do a take away…

I encourage you to look at your life. Where does your confidence come from? Is it your big bank account?  Maybe your education… Maybe you have a nicer car or house or maybe you have lots of clothing and accessories that boast a brand worth recognition. 

Have you played into society's game of life feeling worthy because you have that thing? 

Once you recognize it, now I encourage you to imagine life without it. How does it feel to be removed of that stability (like I was)? Do you feel less whole when you are stripped of the world awards? 

Just to soften this a tad, I do not believe there is anything wrong with having or being any of these things, so don’t get all convicted for your accomplishments and fancy things… that is not the message here.

What I'm pointing out is the crutch we all have for these things in order to promote our peace. 

Okay a little softer…

When my kiddos were little I had a two bedroom. The boys 3 and 4 slept on bunk beds and my oldest age 9 slept in her own princess bed, all in the same room. I had the ceiling painted with clouds and I had zoo animals on the walls. It was their little nursery. In the evenings, I’d go in and sit in a cozy swivel chair I had thrifted specifically to be the story time chair. I’d read them stories from different chapter books then I’d go crawl into bed next to my husband and my baby sound asleep in her bassinet. I loved every minute of those days. Why? Its because a big house is very nice but I do prefer the chaos that ensues when the whole family is in one area shouting at the board game, prepping dinner from the kitchen and the littles are whipping around your heels. And how about bedrooms, sure its nice when everyone has their own room, but when I walk the halls at night my heart leaps because I can hear the giggling of my children, using their quiet voices to each other, making memories and building bonds.

I had to get to the place of understanding, -how is it that Paul could be at peace in all circumstances?

And Isn't, or shouldn't, that kind of peace be the standard?  

Paul had no easy life. He was beaten, mobbed, lived in poverty, betrayed, imprisoned and at times, hungry. And yet Paul said he'd learned the secret whether well fed or hungry, in abundance or in need, being brought low or abounding to be in everlasting peace/contentment. He joyfully continued on his path having surrendered all of his tomorrows.

Kinda makes you wonder how good the God Paul encountered must be in order for him to be so eager to live for, no matter what.

If this next season didn’t look the same in all of the comfortable ways we’ve grown accustomed to, could you find Pauls source of peace for yourself?

Pray on it.