Right On Time

I’ve got these burning questions I just gotta ask you.

Have you ever wondered,

- “what am I here to do?”

On earth I mean. Why are we all here breathing and walking and working?

Surely we weren’t just born to labor, eat, suffer and die.

Do you feel that tug for purpose ever?

I woke up and journaled. I got lost in my thoughts trying my hardest to type the fastest I could. I needed to hurry before everyone woke up. In just minutes, the house would be filled with voices and movement that would interfere with my… clean thinking. We had plans to take a ferry across the bay to Edmonds. We wanted to dink around a bit before we headed south, back to our home. Honestly I was ready to go and get back to work. But, playing a bit longer never hurt anybody.

The ferry was delayed so that pushed our schedule back. We stopped for sandwiches then walked on the dock one last time before we were set to head out. We got back to Auntys house later than planned. We ate our sammis then packed our stuff. I needed to diesel up before we hit the road so my cousin said I could follow him into town.

My husband had come in his own vehicle a day after us. We gave hugs and kisses, thanked our hosts, said the I love you’s…Then we followed my cousin, who was headed to the gas station in Kingston anyway. We could get right on the freeway from that area. It would take us straight to our home town with no turns.

On the way, I got a call from Aunty. She said someone had left their shoes. Of course. My cousin continued to the gas station and we turned back for the shoes. My schedule pushed behind even more. We got the shoes. I noticed the handle bars to the bikes in the truck bed were hanging out too far. The boys re adjusted and strapped in the bikes. More time… I put the truck in gear to drive away then my internet wouldn’t work for me to get my maps started. It was just working 5 minutes ago! I had no idea how to get out of the woods and back to a freeway. My husband, who had been waiting the whole time patiently, calls me.. “follow me,” he said. Perfect plan. Before I pull away my uncle says,

“sorry you had to come back and that your’e getting going so late.” (We had a 5 hour drive ahead of us.) I called out back to him,

“were right on time for the route we’re supposed to be on.”

I had told myself that all day every time I had gotten set back on our schedule. I was starting to get annoyed by how late it was getting, thinking maybe it’s better we just leave the next morning bright and early. 

I followed my husband. Eventually my navigation started to work. My daughter clicked one of the route options. We came to a junction. I could see my husband was headed straight but the route my daughter had chosen told me to turn right.

I called him. “My map says to go right.” 

He says “mine says straight.” 

“What should we do?” I asked.

“Let’s go the way yours says.” he answered.

So we veered right, onto 101. The scenic route. It was so beautiful, an unexpected surprise. We traveled along until we came to a little town. I saw a few gas stations. One had the diesel I needed. 

I called my hubby. “I need to fill up here.” (I hadn’t gotten to earlier because of the shoes situation.)

My husband parked his truck and walks over to pump my diesel for me. My door is open. My husband is pumping my diesel.  I’m leaned in over my seat, standing, with the door up against my backside. I’m helping my little girl drink her water and put the lid back on. 

Boom!

“Oh shit!” My husband says

Tires screech.

I’m scared to turn around but also want to see if I need to move out of the way. I turn.

Just in time to see a young man flying, flipping, tumbling through the air.. his body skidding to a stop. He rolled right into a sit up position. I felt my hand rush to my chest. I was holding my heart. Oh no.

His eyes were angry at first. He wanted to get up. He tried to push himself up with his hands but couldn’t. He looked almost embarrassed to be seen weak. He started to yell out at the person who had hit him with their SUV, “what the fuck!” Yeah I’d be mad too.

I was directly across from where he had landed. A straight path in front of him. When he lifted his eyes he saw me standing there. I’m not sure what held his attention to me when ours eyes met. Maybe he noticed the face I was making. Whatever emotion I was displaying, it softened him a little. He slumped his shoulders down, exhaled and looked down between his knees. I decided to walk over to him.

He was breathing heavy. I could tell the adrenaline was surging through his body and maybe the pain was starting to kick in a little. He was starting to notice what he was not capable of doing anymore. Other people joined us and began all of the usual procedures. Eventually they help him into the passenger seat of one of the witnesses vehicles. He sits there while people collect information from the driver and find ice for his swelling body. He didn’t want any of the attention I could tell. I saw everyone had dispersed to aid in helping, in task form, but no one had stopped to ask him how he was. I decided I would be that for him.

I asked him. “Do you feel any pain?”

“Yeah, my heel is starting to hurt. 

The impact had knocked his shoe off. He was riding a bike. He didn’t have a shirt on. His pants were older and faded. The one shoe he had on was older, no name brand, tattered but not because of the accident. His body was muscular. He had a six pack and sculpted lats. I saw when they helped him to the car his back was all scrapped from skidding. He was the same mixed race like me. 

“Yeah” I said to him “your’e going to hurt for a while.” And then I told him about when I had injured my ankle and couldn’t walk for a bit. I told him that story in hopes he didn’t feel alone in his journey to healing.

I said “your’e not going to be able to walk for a while either. I’m so sorry this happened to you. It’s not fair and I know it’s a hard thing to live through. But ya know what. Your’e still here. Which means your’e still on mission. If you still suck the air God gave you, that means He still has something good for you to do.” 

He smiled and nodded.

Maybe He doesn’t believe in God but, moments like that, where death knocks you for a loop but doesn’t take you. You start to wonder what we’re all doing here on earth and more importantly why the universe chose you to violently awaken to the thought of near death and eventually, purpose.

We were uncomfortable strangers having a conversation under very peculiar happenings. I would have never been there talking to him if not for this. 

I said my piece then I got in my truck and drove off back on route to my home, 5 hours down the way. Then I called my husband and said “now we know why we had to come this way.”

As we drove, I couldn’t help but think about my baby brother who had been hit by a car 5 years earlier. I wondered who came to his aid then. I wondered if people stopped to help him. I wondered why couldn’t my brother live like this boy did? The person who had struck my brother fled the scene and left him there to die. Which he did seven days later. He was 26 years young.

The young man I stopped to talk to, that had just been hit, was on his way to recovery. He’d live. I was happy to see that outcome for him. I was also happy to be the one to tell him he was still on active duty. 

If you still suck air, your’e still on mission.

When I left I was hoping he’d find what his was. We all have one, a mission I mean.

A purpose.

I hope he figures his out.

I wanted to have a longer conversation with him to help him along his path or at least point him in the direction of how to find out. I also wondered if he had ever been curious about what life was about.

Because I had been placed in that moment, while walking in my purpose, to tell him that about himself, perhaps he had been giving that idea thought.

I hope he really felt it when I said that he still had something good to do here on earth. (that was evident by the sparing of his life.)

The point is, I was just the carrier of that information for him. 

Gods way of speaking back to him -the answer he was seeking.

I couldn’t tell you why the answer came in such a drastic way except to say, in my short time here on earth, I have noticed this question of purpose doesn’t quite start to reveal itself until we begin to feel unfulfilled living for ourselves wether it be in our little lives with our simple routines or in our fast lives with no regard for the bigger picture we are intended to understand and take part in. This the “Surely we weren’t just born to labor, eat, suffer and die,” part of life… There must be more to it.

If you simply want a new job, just tell Him your’e done where you are,

say, “provide something new for me please,”

then trust whatever He brings forth and the timing in which He does.

But perhaps the wanting a new job is the quiet calling you are feeling that is telling you there is more out there for you. The bigger question is, your mission.

I think of finding our missions like this,

When I need to figure out how to work my new blender or why my car is making a weird sound, I go to the owners manual. The manual has been written by the creator of the product. When I read the manual it tells me about the product. The manual tells you its intended use. It tells you what not to do with the product. It tells you the different models. When I apply this to human life I think about how I was created. 

So then, to get to know my mission; I ask the source. 

I asked God once “What is my purpose?”

I had my eyes closed and I was sitting on my bed. Just like a dream I saw me doing things like, talking to the clerk at the register or washing my dishes or driving my kids to their basketball engagements. I was just doing regular every day things and I remember thinking to myself -how absolutely ordinary. 

I had imagined purpose to be something grand like you see famous people doing. But I suppose thats not how God sees us. I think He sees us like a network of beings, all bumping up against each other. Making history. Encouraging one another. And when we’re going against our intended use, there are times we hurt each other.

But for purpose, I think God strategizes. He uses us right where we are whether it be at the checkout stand or inviting someone over for a home cooked meal or it could be as simple as letting someone go first at the stop sign. It all tallies up to a life lived on purpose.

Right on time for your stops.

Our great thing isn’t always some grand, huge publicized event. It’s not one giant thing we accomplish and what people record as our job/career later on in our obituary.

Over the time of me figuring this out, the main thing I have always felt was that nagging. The annoying feeling. Almost like my soul was asking my conscious mind “-what are you doing? !”

My soul knowing I was running late for my date with destiny, slowly creeping off the tracks one decision at a time. Like a weird backwards déjà vu trying to help me acknowledge that I wasn’t on my path.

So if you start to feel this question, just know that God is nudging you towards your predestined path. The one He created you for.

He knew you before He knit you together in your mothers womb. 

And It’s up to us to make those choices towards walking in step with Him. And when we do, we’re really able to see what He needs from us.

There are things people have done for me that they don’t realize have been so impactful, especially in the timing that they chose to do so. Things like paying for my groceries or extending a bill due date, taking my trash bins to the curb for me when I forgot or bringing me produce from their garden and giving me gardening advice…

I acknowledge those little moments as hidden blessings. We can be used to be impactful and others can be used for us. Field agents all ready for combat. 

That day when I was there to comfort the man who had just been hit. I was sent to be his field agent.

I read a question today. 

The question was -what does it mean to walk in purpose?

I love the answer.

It was. -You feel stronger and more confident. Even when you know you have challenges you are ready to face them and you don’t let them get you down because you know that it is all part of the plan.

Amen I say.