Narrow Path

Following the Narrow Path has been a life long commitment. At all of the pivotal decisions it has seemed illogical.

In the book of Matthew it reads;

-Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the path that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the path that leads to life, and only a few find it.

Following the Path has also been a different experience than the way I understood the text when I read it in the book of Matthew. Initially I understood it to mean, not going the way of the world in the way of culture or lifestyles. And I suppose there is some truth in that form of understanding. But when I fully submit myself to this way of living I’m actually following the directions in chpt 16:24-25

“Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.

-What good will it be for someone to gain the world yet forfeit their soul?”

That last question is the key to the narrow path.

To be clear, Ive never sought to be a disciple. I never sought to do what I am doing right now. All I ever wanted was to fulfill my purpose, whatever it may be. I use to make plans towards my own idea of the outcome but in following the path, I had to let that go. I am one of those people that truly believe each person can reach their full potential. Their calling, their purpose. But I also see that as people we let a lot of distractions, that tend to be on the outskirts, enter into our lives. Those distractions then lead us down the wrong path and further from our own. And along with the distractions we pick up habits and insecurities and then we conform to what other people - who havn’t reached their own destinations - believe we should be. aka the world.

Ive learned God doesn’t lead by walking in front and pointing the way. He questions me to guide me because He created me to have free will. He stops me at certain checkpoints. I think these check points are places He feels, if I continue in my own understanding, I’d end up at the wrong place -not mine. When I’m at those checkpoints, He asks me what I’ll do next. He begs me to consider His way, which I would need to make a change in order to go in. He encourages me to trust him every time but ultimately it is my choice. The checkpoints are never places in my life I realize are even there without His pointing them out to me. That is His guidance. And He always comes to tell me about them in the most oddest of times. With the most difficult choices ahead. The choices have never made sense. But in the end Ive chosen to deny my own ambitions and seek what He has for me every single time. I seek to lay my way of doing life down in order to find the way He intended my life to be with Him. At first, I’ll admit it was for selfish reasons like I said earlier. I wanted to reach my potential. But now because of my life altering experiences and the way He’s shown me true support, I just want to give back to that devotion... I’l tell you how it started.

I had been having a dream. -This was before I realized what these meant for me. I had no idea where they came from or what they meant.

In this recurring dream, I was walking down a dirt road. It was a wide dirt road like what you’d see in the country somewhere. Not pretty at all. The type of road that’s been worn down by foot traffic and the occasional truck. A well traveled road. Along the edges were wild weeds like thistle, and fountain grasses that no one had intentionally planted there. The road was wide enough for a vehicle and it went a long way down.

I walked along, and far up the way I could see all the houses and stores of everyone I knew. I saw my friends and family. I saw my job and I saw my future children. It was familiar to me. The whole road had almost what appeared to be a Sepia filter over everything. I soon realized this was the road of my life. Everything I would ever experience was laid out for me to see. I began to feel disappointed. Mainly because at the young age of 18, I already knew the whole street. I was disappointed because I had just started my life and there were no plot twists or new things coming my way. It was already known. At this time I had no real relationship with God. I had only heard of Him.

In my real life -not dreamland. I had a daughter and I lived with her father. I worked as a resident assistant caring for elderly in a retirement facility. My plan was to become a CNA or Nurse. A good safe job. I had a new car that was reliable and a good stable life. I had a routine. A clean home. I made dinner at the same time everyday. I was an organized, regimented person. Even the cans in my cupboard all faced forward in a straight line. Mostly I was very innocent minded. I had experienced a little bit of life but I was still in a shadow of innocence.

Each night when I dreamed, I walked further along on the road. Then…..a second path appeared just off to my left.

The new path I saw was barely visible. After examining from where I stood, it was narrow and jagged. It was bumpy with big round rocks and boulders to wriggle through. Spiky Grass and dirt made a way for my feet to barely walk just one foot at a time. After a few steps in, the path cut around a corner where there was a big rock I just couldn’t see around.

There was nothing visible past the big rock. But I wanted to see. I leaned in.. but I just couldn’t see the rest of path. Somehow I knew that if I stepped off the path I was walking I couldn’t go back. And I knew what my future had for me if I stayed where I was. I was at the point where I had to choose one or the other… I stood there at the fork in the road contemplating what to do. I was intrigued by the second path that was so mysterious but I was nervous to leave the comfort of where I was.

I continued to dream this over and over… enough times that it caught my attention.

I decided Id talk to my father about it. At my sisters house he sat at the dining table and I found my opportunity.. I explained my dream to him. What I find interesting about this moment is that he never questions my dreaming.. he just responded as if having these kinds of things happen were normal… he was flustered and stuttered to get his words out as quick as he could almost like warning me of the second path. As if he’d seen around that corner himself.

He said to me “Lisha! Just stay on your path!”

He had raised his voice a little and he was being stern.. he let out an extra breath. He was bothered. But those were the only words he said about it. The answer from him just wasn’t good enough for me. I felt in my gut it wasn’t right. I realize now I wasn’t really asking what he thought about it… I was telling him what I was going to do. I had already made the decision. The next day I went home and packed up all of my things.. I was never married although I lived as if I were…that was my unofficial divorce. He didn’t do anything wrong. He was kind and supportive. He was great. But I was being pulled by something bigger than both of us…It was the most illogical thing to do at the time. I just had to trust that path.

I made the choice and I immediately felt free from the chains of regularity. I leapt into the new thing without a promise or any form of reassurance it would all be okay. I had no idea what was next and in an odd way, I felt comfort from that…It was like I was actively pouring out the version of who I’d become and I was making way to be filled with whatever came next.

After I moved out I stopped having the dream.

From then my life had many plot twists. It was not easy. It was an uprooting of who I’d been. It was eye opening. When I let go of being organized and regimented I adopted spontaneity. I engulfed myself in living for today. I almost got lost in the world. Which I dont think were Gods intentions. But that story is for another day. I managed to escape the clenches of the world and settled into a new version of a normal life. New home, new car, soul mate, kids and career. I felt like I was done with the major life choices… but almost 15 years later the dream came back.

I didn’t have that dream again until I had the decision to close the salon or keep it open. I had the ring dream {talked about in 11:1} then after I hadn't made the choice I started having the path dream again. Instead of the way it was presented when I was 18, this time it was more urgent. Like I Needed to make the choice and quickly. Like I was running late. It seems to pop up when I have to alter my steps. And of course so you’ve read.. you know my choice…I closed the salon….but again I never got to see around that darn corner, where the big rock blocked my view. All I did was walk a little further down the narrow path.

After I officially closed the salon, the dream stopped again for a short while. I was at peace. Feeling like I was back on track to finding me. It was a short while, only a few months actually and the dream came to visit me one more time.

It started the same as the others. I was walking on the narrow path and as I walk I can never see around the corner of that big rock. There is always another choice for me to make to move further along…..but this time it was different.

I walked a few more feet down the narrow path and I peeked around the boulder. To my amazement I could see past it! And oh what did I see… lets just say all this time I had been trusting my instincts to make the correct choices disregarding the nay sayers and the unbelievers.. I felt deep down that this was my path to walk and I was the only one that could make decisions for the road ahead… and I had chosen correctly. 

Just beyond the boulder, for the first time ever, I saw the view. It had oped up to a paradise. Big lush green foliage. Trees and valleys of green and waterfalls. Colorful Birds flying overhead. It was bright and vivid in colors. The land and those that lived in it were thriving. Peace encompassed me and the sweet fragrance of happiness was everywhere…I could actually smell it. It was nothing like the path I had decided to opt out of.. in comparison to the brown haze of dust that hovered over.

I had almost arrived to my paradise but I wasn’t quite there. Maybe I had a few more choices to make in the future... But at least I could see it.

When I woke up from the dream this last time I was just so excited. I felt accomplished. Gratified. Grateful. Proud. Through all of the hardships Id lived through I had finally gotten to see it was all worth it.

My new neighborhood is pretty legit.

My point in telling you this dream is not to talk you into uprooting your life on a whim. If that’s what you may be getting from this, you’re missing the point. Im not romanticizing that for you at all…

What I do recommend is asking your creator to guide you. Im saying to seek the way. And you will be shown what to do for your own special circumstances.

We all have our own path to follow. But in order to reach your destination you have to experience the journey that following the path requires.

You know how some people want to take shortcuts? How some people want the good thing but the quickest way possible? They will do all but sacrifice their souls to get the -thing..But they want to live teetering on the blade. One side being where God wants you to be and the other side where you feel better being.

I was thinking about this last night as I drove my kids to youth group. Committing to this way of life has not been easy. It is a sacrificial lifestyle that is never ending. Every day you have to wake up and choose to take another step in a direction you have no evidence is worth it. I am constantly second guessing myself. I am uncomfortable a lot of the times and just when think I can rest easy, more crap comes to dump on me. Ive been tested over and over and put through trials of all sorts. It the spiritual version of an obstacle course. It is difficult to complete. But with all of this, I have become closer and closer in relationship to God. And now when I”m walking I can see him right next to me. Which in my opinion is worth every second of each step.

The silver lining is that the path transforms you. You are never walking this alone. While you are living through all of this you learn from each experience and you have a safety net of those graceful arms of the Father to catch you and set you upright each time.. The experiences have made me feel more prepared. And the constant commitment from God has made me feel unconditionally loved. My eyes are truly opened. I am enlightened.

I want you to take the time to seek your path. then when you do,

I encourage you to trust your creator in guiding you along the way and I encourage you to go in the way He guides. You can trust that you will not be alone, that you will find rest, that you will have an amazing outcome.

This path has definitely not been easy. It was never promised to be. But Id make the choice over and over again. My husband was on this path… my true soul mate. My beautiful children and my real friends.. my careers and all off the lessons Ive learned along the way. I also have become more true to myself in the way of living just to be me. Truly known and truly myself with no desire to fill into any version of organized chaos trying to clench me in its palms. I am fulfilled in being todays version of Alicia whilst I walk the narrow path. That I, one of the few, have found.