Stay Wild

True story, in 2017 I invited my friend to join my husband and I at church. I will never forget his reply. He said “sure,” then he asked me a question. “Ok, what do I wear?” At first I was confused… I said “uhh wear whatever you want…”  He said “no but like, how do I have to be, what’s the vibe?”  His insecurity of church was that he wasn’t good enough to be around all the holy folk.  He wanted to look the part. He wanted to be on his best behavior. He wasn’t asking in the -how formal is this place, kind of way. He was asking what type of human was allowed in this place. As if wearing a button down was more Christ like. You could be saying to yourself, well thats his own insecurities and that is no fault on the church. But the thing is, that is how the majority of people that don’t attend church have felt at some point -not good enough. Which leads me to my point.

“Stay Wild”

Fast forward, in 2021, a woman moved in to the open space next to my salon. She had worked across the street and decided to move her business right next door to mine. But what was irritating about it all was that she was in the same line of business as me. Cosmetology. I focused on nails and she practiced hair, lashes and nails. Before leasing the space I had made sure to add a non compete clause into my lease agreement so she was not allowed to do nails next to me or even in that complex for that matter. For some odd reason she had chosen me to pick a fight with. Well, myself and the landlord let her know nails were not allowed and she agreed, moved in and her sign went up a few days later. Guess what?! She had added nails as an advertised service!

I had history with this girl. I had done her nails before. I had no idea why I was targeted by her. I liked her just fine and I thought she liked me. I thought she was talented. I had even learned a couple nail tricks from her that I still use today. I had been hearing through the grape vine that she’d been talking foul about me and even about my husband and my kids whom she’d never met. It was all very weird. To say the least my feathers were ruffled. I expressed my concerns to the landlord. He talked to her then let me know she’d be coming over to -clear the air.  

She stopped by and poked her head in my door. She was all smiles and as nice as ever. She asked if we could have a sit down talk. She asked “when is a good time?” I was already irritated with her because she had been so careless and thoughtless with my feelings but most of all she was maliciously targeting me which I just did not understand. I try very hard to be kind to everyone. With all of this on my mind and heart, I agreed anyway. We set an appointment for the next morning at 9:00am. It was just enough time for me to hear her out and be prepped for my first client at 10am. Well wouldn’t you know, I woke up extra early. I even had to change my kids morning routine by waking them early to then drop them off earlier for school.

Im settled and waiting at the salon for our meeting. 9:00 am comes and goes and she never shows up. Now she’s dug that knife in even deeper. Forty five minutes later my first client of the day had shown up a few minutes early and I had started on her nails. I look up to see my neighbor coming through my doors, casually. She was swaying when she walked. Her sandals were slapping the floor. She had an expression of attitude on her face.

She say “heeeeyy, do you have time to talk?” I was so surprised at the boldness and absleoute carelessness for my feelings. I said “no” between me and you, I don’t play with these funny types. She said “please I‘ll be quick,” still not acknowledging or being apologetic for our missed appointment. I continued working and said “just go ahead and say what you need to say.” At this point I had kept my cool. I had a salon full of clients and employees all watching and listening in on this interaction.

Standing over me waving her hands in my face while I sat at my desk, she proceeded to tell me what she was going to do, which included doing nails next to me. She said “you’ll just have be okay with it.” She continued, “there’s plenty of clients out there, enough for us all” For me it had nothing to do with competition. It was the boundary crossing, the disrespecting and the tackiness that comes with having two of the same businesses right next to each other. While she leaned over disrespecting me flailing her hands and bobbing her head, bringing in the most attitude she could muster, I just watched her. I pondered on her words and behavior. I finally understood, this was nothing more than the simple fact -she didn’t respect me. And instead of trying to come to some type of “clear the air” agreement I decided right then, in the midst of her fit, that I was finished with whatever this meeting was meant to accomplish.

She was still speaking. I was looking up at her and I said in a low assertive voice “hey, get the f$ck out.” She whipped her head back in disbelief as if to recharge her slew of babble. She started to speak again and I put my hand up in a stop motion as if to pinch her lips closed mid air. I said again in a low assertive tone “no, I said get the f$ck out.” At this I stood to escort her out of my business. She realized then that I was serious and she turned to start walking toward the door. Still grumbling under her breath she said a few more random things and as she exited she tried to pull my door shut as hard as she could but I caught it mid close and just looked at her through the glass on the door. Then I closed it softly and got back to work.

Now re reading this I do see, this situation was just a blip in my grand timeline of life. Honestly it just sounds like a cat fight between two immature girls playing “business” instead of house. But I learned so much from this.

That afternoon after the adrenaline had worn off, regret started to sink in. I thought for sure I’d be struck with lightning at any moment for the way I had acted. Aren’t we all called to be these kind, meek, image of God type human beings? Like Christ? Well I had just fumbled that big time. I felt horrible about the way I had acted. Even though she was being so mean, I could’ve handled myself better.

I left work that day feeling so upset. It jilted my whole week. I was grouchy. I was out of character.

I even skipped church that Sunday. I thought for sure I wasn’t welcome. How could I even dare go to Gods house, listen to a sermon and worship while I’m out here cussing folks out on the off time?

I was driving home from shopping the following week, listening to secular music. It was playing loud with the bumps on. I got to thinking… “why was I made this way?”

I mean why?! If we are all suppose to funnel into this perfect human being like what is portrayed in the church establishments or on television or is preached on Sundays…?

Why are we all made so different? Then I started to feel annoyed by this, starved for justice…. I had tears in my eyes as I drove down the road. I had finally realized, nothing I do will ever be good enough. I’m not going to ever be that person. It is impossible. It’s like asking a lion to act like a kitten. And I gave up in that moment. I said out loud,

“I’m not doing it!” I was referring to me being authentically myself. I was frustrated when I said it. I decided I never wanted to be anything other than me and if that meant pretending in order to fit into some religious club then I didn’t want to be in that club.

It didn’t mean Jesus was any less real, it was just me drawing a line saying “I am never going to be good enough so it is this version of myself or nothing!”

No sooner than the thought finished in my mind, the car in front of me slammed on its breaks. I swerved to the edge to try and escape an accident. I slowed just in time to see an up close view of the back bumper of the silver car right in front of me. It had a little bumper sticker that illuminated like it was made of foil and reflective. The sticker read

“STAY WILD”

I felt the Holy Spirit embrace me then. And like a little baby being coddled by their mother I cried a sigh a relief. I felt as though I was fully known and fully welcome. That feeling covered me.

Like how I see an old dresser on the side of the road thats been left out in the elements and I can’t wait to get it home to fix it up. I set it in my garage. I sand off all of the rough edges one divot at a time until it is all smooth and exposed wood. Raw. Then. I strategically brush on the varnish so all of the beautiful ripples in the wood show. He does that. Like the carpenter He is. He sees the beauty before we even know it for ourselves. Whats more is, that week He continued to reveal to me what stay wild meant.

I acknowledge it could feel like the slogan -stay wild- is a free pass to do whatever you please. As if you have permission from the big guy himself, but thats not it at all.

That week He explained to me that what he meant was, I was perfectly created to be who I am in its entirety. He never intended for us to become all the same. God would never choose a whole garden full of only pink roses. No. He’s created all colors of roses. All different trees and shrubs and the like. He creates all of these things according to what they’ll accomplish. So how would a pear tree look walking around pretending to be an avocado tree. Pretty silly right? So its the same for us. He’s wants us to be “us” all the way. So for those of us that we’re born with that extra spice, instead of dulling that down, he encourages authenticity. Don’t be discouraged by the idea of never being good enough. He wants you just the way you are. After you show up, then he will refine you one sanding at time. with careful love and care. But for now, embrace -you.